English Jokes

Horse Letter

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A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on."

She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She answers, "Your horse called."

English Jokes

When elephant and ant got married

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An ant and an elephant got married, despite the best advice of their friends.

During their first intercourse the elephant suffered a heart attack and died.

"Crap," said the ant, "five minutes of passion, and now I get to spend the rest of my life digging a grave."

English Jokes

Talking Dog

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A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't.

The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?"

The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying."

The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else." The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?"

The dog answers with a muffled "RUD." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door.

As they bounce on the sidewalk the dog looks at his owner and says, "Ronaldinho?"